Friends and colleagues who keep tabs on my Facebook page often remark,“you’re keeping busy,” by which I gather they mean I'm doing a lot of work. I respond that I’m staying active, which is not exactly the same thing.
I see my job on Facebook as not just marketing and networking, but entertaining my friends and family. Updates don’t have to be just “hard news”: you can also post about odd things you saw on the street or thoughts that crossed your mind. A stream of status updates that mention only what or where you’re eating, or who you’re hanging out with, gets tiresome. Anything that provokes thought or a smile will do, but wit, wryness, and the offbeat get extra points.
For example, odd things you observed or experienced can be entertaining:
- David Loftus checked out his very first Cormac McCarthy novel from the library this afternoon and found a playing card -- a Joker -- tucked into the pages. I take that as a good omen.
- … got to hear two young women alternate between hysterical, barking giggles and chanted rap lyrics festooned with f-bombs ... followed by two men discussing third-degree burns from a motorcycle exhaust pipe and a campfire. Yep, the 33 is an interesting bus line.
- … was waiting at the outdoor library book return box and watched a guy drop a book, open, face-down, in the rain ... and tried very hard not to wince.
- … picked up a portobello mushroom vegetarian sub at noon to carry around until dinner time, and five hours later discovered he had a salami and ham. Had to wonder how the other guy felt about his sandwich.
- … just passed a homeless man without giving him any money, and the man said he would hold my children for ransom and not ask for anything less than $10 million. Boy was he wrong on so many counts. . . .
Things that made you mad or disgusted are always good for discussion, although it’s better to express your passion with elegance and indirection than with an all-out rant:
- David Loftus watched a man toss his cigarette butt on the sidewalk and wished he was large enough to tell him to pick it up and dispose of it properly.
- … walked out of the Safeway to be greeted by the sight of a street kid popping the zits on the upper back of his female companion. I try to be open-minded and tolerant, but . . . .
On the other hand, the right kind of sledgehammer blow can be entertaining, too:
- David Loftus says, “could I spare a dollar for a pack of cigarettes” ? Of course not! . . . that wouldn’t kill you fast enough to make it worth it for me.
If you can take something you observed and come up with a thought, interpretation, or extension beyond the observation, that’s a plus:
- David Loftus realized, while watching people texting on their hand-held mobile devices this morning on the bus, that to say someone is “all thumbs” may mean something entirely different from what it once did.
- … wonders why street kids are never accompanied by a stray Dandy Dinmont, Bichon Frise, or Chinese Crested? Even a Great Pyrenees would be a change from the usual pit bulls.
- … was wondering what the girls who were sitting next to him and texting all through the movie are going to do when it comes time to raise a family.
- … was reading a pamphlet on STDs among elders and read “Have you ever had unprotected sex with a prostitute?” and thought: “Of course not! Her pimp ALWAYS stands guard over us.”
Of course if you make unusual choices, that can be worth reporting:
- David Loftus thought “Mary Poppins” followed by “Shutter Island” was a fine DIY Sunday double feature.
- … downloaded a Mozart harpsichord concerto and Bob Seger. I believe in a balanced diet.
- … hadn’t realized that dumpster diving goes a lot more smoothly after a couple of bourbons. Of course, he started scrounging seriously when he was vastly underaged.
- … doesn’t imagine anyone else is reading Richard Matheson’s The Incredible Shrinking Man and Jane Austen’s Emma at the same time.
Wordplay, if it’s sufficiently sophisticated, may charm your Facebook friends:
- David Loftus wonders whether a situation in which two strangers establish a rapport by picking on a third might be termed a “dis connect.”
- … knows there’s more than one way to skritch a cat.
- [with reference to a certain Jewish holiday meal:] … says, What? NOT a path-over satyr?
- … has no particular objection to any religious sects . . . as long as it’s between consenting adults.
Philosophical notions and intellectual speculation offer a nice change of pace, especially if there’s a humorous or shock element to them:
- David Loftus wonders if he can interest some deep-pocket investors in an air-guitar manufacturing plant.
- … is designing a very strict licensing program for prospective parents which will be enacted the minute he becomes dictator of the world. Don’t presume YOU would pass it.
Even a pointed quotation, if it’s not well-known or widely distributed on the Web already (something from your own current pleasure reading is the best bet here), can also please:
· “We are all of us obliged, if we are to make reality endurable, to nurse a few little follies in ourselves.” - M. Proust
· “Life is a lot more fragile than we think. So you should treat others in a way that leaves no regrets. Fairly, and if possible, sincerely. It’s too easy not to make the effort, then weep and wring your hands after the person dies. Personally, I don’t buy it.” - Haruki Murakami
Every once in a great while, there’s a rare and moving flash of beauty in your life. It’s important to share those:
- David Loftus was walking the dog when he saw a tiny green hummingbird flitting about the South Park Blocks in the spitting rain. Dang, those things are so tiny and delicate, you fear a single drop of water would bring them down. . . .
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