Oh . . . Man . . . I Can’t Believe I Wrote That. . . .

One of the pleasures of doing editing and proofreading for work is getting to see other people’s mistakes before you clean them up . . . and preserve them for all time. Here’s my crop from last year.

Jan. 3:  “My other interests include listening to classic tock….”
You mean, tock radio . . . or do you collect grandfather clocks?

Jan. 14: Adventures of the Sardonic Editor, episode #2,538 . . . 

“I am happy to work personally with every client to ensure they have a financial arrangement that is comfortable while receiving the necessary medical care that is needed.”

As opposed to necessary treatment that is not needed, I suppose.

I understand there may be a lot of that going around.

Jan. 15: I ran across a piece of poor English that I can’t honestly fix, because it’s a quoted passage from an existing website used in the article I’m cleaning. So I’ll refer this one to the management.

“Good lighting normally pleases buyers, but it’s not often a deciding factor in purchasing a property. Instead of spending thousands on fancy fixtures that will just lead to higher hydro bills, go for simple, energy-efficient upgrades such as LED lights.”
I suppose the technical incorrectness of the passage above sort of depends on what part of the country you live in. Hydro power does indeed supply most if not all our electricity in Portland, but our water bills are a separate item.

Jan. 15: “Most of the time, you’ll be fine with business or business casual attire [at a trade show]. If you’re attending a travel trade show, a simple polo or T-shirt with your logo will do the trick. If you’re marketing to business professionals, wear a suit or crips shirt and tie.”
What if everybody else is wearing red bandanas?

Jan. 19: “…I defiantly recommend this dentist.”
Why? Were you expecting an argument from me?

March 20: “Dr. ______ is a suburb dentist….”
Although this might in fact be true of this particular practitioner, I don’t believe that’s the word the patient intended in his testimonial, so I made an executive decision to change it to “superb.”

March 22: “You might also bring home a 50-pound chinook trophy or nap a coho….”
Wow! Sign me up!

But . . . how do chinook carry those around with them? Under their pectoral fins?

And how do the coho keep from suffocating when you put them to sleep?

May 10: “I love working with kids and seething them excited…”
I dunno. Sounds like a risky practice to me.

May 20: “That’s why we’re proud to offer a flat-fee rate that enables you to keep more of your hard-earned equity in tact.”
How’s that? You mean . . . secretly?

May 22: “Other people ride [a bicycle to work] because they feel convicted to do their part in reducing carbon emissions….”
No, really?
I had no idea this was being used as punishment for certain Americans. What’s their crime? Refusal to believe in climate change?

June 20:  From a blog piece I’m editing about charitable fundraising:

“Most people are hesitant to depart with their money….”
Actually, I don’t think that’s true for most of the people I’ve known and observed. I’ve been known to walk out of a fundraiser without spending anything on occasion, myself.

June 25: “This patient was congenially missing a lower front tooth.”

A single missing letter can create a huge difference in meaning. . . .

July 24: One of the common mistakes that people make after a car crash is “Letting the Statues of Limitation Pass.”
I’m confused. How can statues limit anything? And if they’re statues, how do they manage to get around you?

Aug. 10:  David [reading sign at the PSU Farmers Market]: “Artisan Infused Pizza Crusts.” They insert artisans into their pizza crusts!
Carole: Protein.

Sept. 4: “As solar energy continues to gain steam….”

Probably not the ideal choice of metaphor in this context. . . . 

Nov. 7:  “With the right data in tote….”
Huh? I have to purchase a bag with a shoulder strap in order to obtain and analyze my website traffic stats?

If you get a perverse thrill out of this sort of thing, you might enjoy similar round-ups from years past:

Go to “OMG . . . Did I Really Type That?” (Best Typos and Misusage of the Language, 2017)

See “Ummm . . . That’s Not What I Meant To Say” (Best of 2016)